Where do I even start.
Mental health means something completely different to me since losing someone so close through suicide. I never truly knew what depression and mental health in general was, until I lost him. My world was suddenly turned upside down and there was nothing I could do about it. He was gone.
I lost my best friend and my soul mate within 20 minutes of last hearing his voice. We weren't in a relationship when he passed away, but we spoke 24/7 and had plans to potentially try and make things work between us again, but sadly we didn't get that second chance. Sam was training to become a pilot and kept failing his theory exams and so I personally believe he gave up on life after that.
We often put too much pressure on ourselves to succeed in everything we do and to act like we have our s*** together, when actually we are only human and need to be kind to ourselves. We are all on our own journey and comparison shouldn't come in to it.
As some of you know in detail, and others may know a little from online, I have had some rather upsetting news within the last month and I am really struggling to process it, but have realised after having a lot of time at home to myself, that my health and happiness need to come first and that I need to look after myself.
The last few days I have struggled mentally quite a bit and will mostly put that down to my hormones, but it has also made me really think about how much my periods control my life and how I wish things were different. I had someone say to me "but you can just get everything removed and then you will be fine I thought", and yes that hopefully will be the case if I were to go through with that decsion, but also mentally I am not sure I am ready for that yet. I don't think people quite realise what a big decsion that is. I know there are other ways of being a mum, such as adoption, but it will never be able to replace the feeling of having your own naturally. Seeing your features or personality within that child.
My social media feeds have also had such a big impact on my thoughts the past few weeks especially, with engagement and pregnancy announcements, and I can't help but think that won't be me and that my future will be different to how I have dreamt it would be. I know we all have dreams that are potentially out of reach, but I have always assumed being a mum would be in my future.
Anyways, before I get all emotional I need to stop writing, but I shared the below on my Instagram @annabellelucy.co and feel the need to share again as it is important..
We live in a world where acceptance seems to be a priority for a lot of us, and with trying to fit in, we often forget who we truly are.
Our Instagram feeds can be an escape from the real world, but they can also be the cause for many mental health problems as we can start to compare our lives in an unhealthy way to something that is totally unrealistic.
What you see online are the “highlights” and not reality. Behind each and every beautifully smiling photo, feel-good reel, and toned bikini shot, is a story. We forget about normality and that not a single person has a blissful, stress, and upset free life.
For me, body image takes over my life a little, and have realised that what I see online really influences my thoughts about myself. I am one of those that will look in the mirror and pinch the parts of my body that I would wish would disappear. I have been there when it comes to restricting foods and over exercising, and every so often, I go back to these old ways without realising the effects.
There may be a connection between any unhealthy habits you have, and your mental health. I find that when life feels out of control for me, I try and control other aspects of my life such as my food and exercise, as it makes me feel better. This is an unhealthy coping mechanism.
There is no right or wrong way to move past anything, as long as it is done in a healthy way and it is right for you. Taking as much time as you need, and when you are ready, you will be able to start the healing process and grow.
We often put too much pressure on ourselves to put on this act of being strong and that we have our s*** together, but the fact is, that it is ok to not be ok. The strongest people are those that can be vulnerable and express their true emotions.
Stop and take a minute to breathe.
You are still here, you have survived, and you are doing ok.
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